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We even have a new lexicon for them: “ghosting” (ending all communication abruptly and disappearing), “icing” (communicating with less frequency and/or truncated responses, which creates distance, longing, and anxiety), and “simmering” (communicating sporadically, like if you’re pursuing someone else but want to keep your options open). Someone might not want to respond right away for a variety of reasons: They’re at work or at school, or they want to write just the right response.Or they might be trying to project an air of nonchalance, not wanting to appear too available or desperate for attention.Even if you personally don’t watch it, porn has altered the broader landscape of sexual attitudes and expectations.
This new digital distance gives us a lot of space to excessively self-edit, imagine what isn’t, project fantasy, and ghost at even the hint of some small disappointment.Texting relationships have an aspect of controlled exposure, with a lower risk of rejection. But if we don’t practice in real life, then we lose the muscle of social and emotional intelligence in dating. It’s that we need to find a way to stay connected to our moral compass, our integrity, and our intuition.