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26-Oct-2020 19:00

“I want to study there and find a good job and a boyfriend without it being a secret,” he said with a mix of frustration and hope.He is from a well to-do family who know he is gay and are accepting of him although it’s mostly dealt with by silence: don’t-ask-don’t-tell. All his friends know he is gay and he has no difficulty finding dates when he’s not putting long hours in at school.In his later teens he experienced the complexities of love and hurt as he dated some unreliable and deceptive boyfriends, most of whom were foreigners.Seeking a reliable stable relationship with a foreigner is always a risky affair for any native LGBT Tunisian since the expat is very likely to leave after a period of time; most are on professional assignments to Tunisia (from Europe) and must return when they are reassigned or become homesick or lose their job.How funny life is so twisted.” Indeed, it’s a well-known secret within Muslim societies that young straight men are not virgins by the time they get married, having practiced on each other as teenagers.

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I’m not allowed to talk about guys but I can have all the sex I want before marriage.

Ari feels ‘stuck’ in his own culture, for the time being.

He has long range plans to emigrate to Europe–Italy or Belgium–where there are open gay communities.

Ari does not know any older gay men, who are hard to find since they are very discrete.

Discovering one’s gay self in Tunisia is an uneven and unclear path especially when living singly without a community or tolerant society.

It is not easy to label the ‘scene’ here because it is not organized, not open, not admitted, yet it’s cruisy, sexy, internet-connected and quite populous. During my visit I chatted with two very different gay men, one a young student at a local university and the other a retired Italian resident of Tunis now self-employed. Ari, a university student studying architecture, and I met at tea time and had creamy thick hot chocolate at a trendy modern coffee shop and later went for pizza across the street.

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